Before you start
- A few hours a week for social activities
- Patience: close friendships take months
Method 1 Find places to meet people
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Step 1: Pick regular activities
Join something that meets weekly or monthly: a sports team, gym class, running club, choir, book club, art or language class, or a faith community. Seeing the same faces repeatedly is how friendships start.
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Step 2: Volunteer
Volunteering connects you with people who share your values and gives you something to talk about.
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Step 3: Use local groups and apps
Look for local interest groups, community events and friendship apps. Choose events that match your interests.
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Step 4: Look closer to home
Get to know neighbours, colleagues, other parents at school, or people in your building.
Method 2 Start conversations
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Step 1: Begin with the setting
Comment on what you share: “Have you been to this class before?” or “How did you find today’s session?”
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Step 2: Ask open questions
Ask questions that need more than yes or no: “What got you into running?”
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Step 3: Listen and remember
Remember names and details, and ask about them next time. People feel valued when you remember.
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Step 4: Share a little about yourself
Friendship grows through gradual, two-way sharing. Match the other person’s level of openness.
Method 3 Turn acquaintances into friends
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Step 1: Make a specific invitation
Instead of “We should hang out sometime,” say “Do you want to grab coffee after class on Thursday?”
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Step 2: Exchange contacts
Ask for their number or social media to share something relevant, like a photo or event link.
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Step 3: Follow up
After a good chat, message them within a few days and suggest another plan.
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Step 4: Be the organiser
Many people want friends but wait to be asked. Organise a small group outing; it’s less pressure than one-to-one.
Method 4 Keep friendships going
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Step 1: Stay in touch
Send a message, voice note or meme; small, regular contact keeps a friendship alive.
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Step 2: Make regular plans
A monthly dinner, weekly walk or regular game night makes it easy to keep seeing each other.
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Step 3: Show up
Celebrate their good news, and be there in hard times.
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Step 4: Be patient
Research suggests close friendships take many hours together to develop, often over several months.
Troubleshooting
People don’t reply to my invitations
Don’t take it personally; adults are busy. Try once or twice more, then focus on people who respond.
I feel awkward in groups
Arrive early when groups are smaller, help with a task, or focus on talking to one person at a time.
I moved to a new city
Say yes to invitations, join one regular activity in your first month, and tell colleagues and neighbours you’re new.
Frequently asked questions
Is it harder to make friends as an adult?
Yes, because you have fewer natural chances to meet people repeatedly. Joining regular activities fixes most of that.
How many friends do I need?
Quality matters more than numbers. A few close, supportive friends make a big difference to wellbeing.
Can online friendships be real friendships?
Yes, many are meaningful. Combining online contact with meeting in person, when possible and safe, deepens them.
Summary
Join regular activities where you’ll see the same people, start simple conversations, and remember what people tell you. Turn acquaintances into friends with specific invitations and follow-ups, keep in touch regularly, and be patient: friendships grow through repeated time together.
